Hope
by GreenAngelHeart
Summary: Texas and Jodie.  Is Jodie just what Texas needs...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N For Julie as requested. **

**I'll admit I have not followed Texas' story that closely so I hope that anybody reading this is not too annoyed if it is not that true to the show. Short first chapter just to see how you feel about it. If anybody has suggestions for how they think Texas/Jodie should go please feel free to share :)**

**Hope - Chapter One**

People forget don't they? Forget what others have endured in their life. At first people try to be caring, worry about you, constantly reminding you of the bad stuff. But then they get bored, expect you to be magically okay, to carry on with your life as if nothing ever happened.

Texas was running. She could feel the rush of air against her face, she could feel her heart beating, trying to burst under the pressure, her limbs were growing heavier and heavier, but still she tried to continue through the pain that was shooting throughout her entire body. She could still hear her name being called out ahead of her driving her onwards, pushing her further into the woods. She gasped for breath as she pressed on further into the deep darkness of the trees, but there was no time to pause.

Then she finally glimpsed her. India. She was standing in a small clearing in the trees, calling to Texas over and over to help her. Texas tried to close the distance between them, reach her sister, and get her to safety. Her legs wouldn't move though, they were too heavy from all the running. It felt like she was sinking into quicksand, she could not lift her feet from the ground. Texas struggled and struggled, but it felt like the weight of the Earth was bearing down on her. India's shouts were growing increasingly frantic. There seemed to be a dark shadow growing, creeping forwards into the clearing. Texas strained harder willing her exhausted body to move. The shadow seemed to encroach further into the clearing, and then it reached where India was standing. Texas watched in horror as she saw her beautiful sister begin to be eclipsed behind the darkness. Texas tried to scream at India to run, but as with her body she seemed to have no control over her voice. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

Texas sat bolt upright in bed the silent scream dying on her lips. She was covered in a thin film of perspiration and panting like she really had just been running in her sleep. Her room was dark, it was still the middle of the night. The dreams visited her frequently. Always the same. Her trying to save India from her fate, and never being able to. She tried to choke back a sob as her body began to wind down from the exertion of her dream. She felt so alone. Nobody knew about these dreams. It seemed everybody else had all moved on from the recent events. It was almost like now the murderer had been captured everyone had shut the book on that particular story. They had all moved on, and they exected her to have done so as well.

Texas never stopped thinking of India though, how she was responsible for her death, how it was her fault that she was so brutally murdered. The feeling of blame had nearly consumed her at first. She felt it should have been her that had died, not her sweet innocent sister and for a time it seemed like she would right that wrong. Or at least the part that she could. Back then she had dreamt of joining her sister, both in sleep and in consciousness.

Even in those dreams she couldn't reach India. In those dreams India had been standing shining, ethereal, angel-like, basking in a warm silvery glow. As Texas had tried to run towards her she was always aware of a fiery heat behind her. She would try to ignore it until she felt herself being overtaken by the licks of the flames from the fire that was chasing her. She would turn just in time to see the fiery red heat consume her, before trying to reach again for India to drag her from the flames. But the angry billows of black smoke would obscure India from view.

Texas was not sure she necessarily believed in heaven and hell, but should it turn out they did exist she imagined she would be separated from her sister for all eternity. She was sure that her behaviour after the event would seal her fate in the fiery pits of any hell, real or imaginary. She had spiralled to a dark place. She had just wanted to forget back then. Block out all thoughts, memories, and feelings. She indulged in drugs, drank heavily, looked for a messed-up kind of satisfaction in losing herself in meaningless sex with any guy willing. Texas did not care what would happen to herself back then. She had already lost everything she cared about.


	2. Chapter 2

Texas was sitting on a wooden bench on the banks of the River Dee. It was the nearly the end of November so she was wrapped up warmly in a thick coat, woolly scarf, hat, and gloves. She had been there for a couple of hours just watching the canal barges move slowly on their way past her. Every now and again she would raise the camera, which hung around her neck, to capture a shot of the ornate decorations on the passing narrowboats or the water birds that bobbed along on the surface.

Since India's death Texas had often come to sit by the river. She found the gentle waters and the meandering boats peaceful. Also it reminded her of perhaps some of the happiest times of her life, big family holidays or long weekends away on her Grandfather's yacht, whether round the local rivers or sometimes they went further afield. If they went where the water was warm enough she and India had loved nothing more than diving overboard, swimming, splashing and playing. India had always loved the water, it seemed to be the place where she was freest, a place where she could let go and have fun. A proper water-baby their father had always said.

Both Texas and India had grown-up in a privileged, if sheltered atmosphere. They both bore the burden of living in the shadow of their glamorous mother, a famous singer in the eighties, her beauty was undiminished with time and her aura was captivating. Here the similarities between the sisters ended. Whilst Texas fought to divert the attention away from her mother and onto herself, India retreated further and further into herself, seeming to accept she could never compete against her mother and sister. This lead to Texas and India being like chalk and cheese. Texas rebellious, India straight-laced. Texas gregarious, India withdrawn. Texas reckless, India mindful. India had always been so tightly bound by the rules she placed upon herself, Texas thought she should lighten up. Life was for living. The guilt therefore that Texas felt because she believed it was her lifestyle that was to blame for India's murder was immeasurable.

Texas pulled her coat more tightly around herself as the cold north wind began to pick up. She pointed her camera at the river one final time as the low winter sun caused the ripples on the water to sparkle and shimmer. She had really taken a liking to photography recently. It was almost as if with the click of her camera she could momentarily halt the steady march of the world; pause, just for a second, the continuous spinning of the Earth; freeze the endless progress of time. It gave her a fleeting opportunity to breath freely.

As Texas made her way back home she paused at the large black gates of the courtyard opposite her flat. There were still a few bunches of wilted flowers stuck between the iron bars, marking the spot where Heidi Costello had been taken from her family. They served as a reminder to Texas every time she walked past. As she stood there Texas hoped all the victims of the serial killer had at least gone to a better place. She hoped the fates had at least given them that.

Texas felt the presence of another person come stand beside her. It was Doug, her American roommate. If anyone could understand what she was going through, maybe it could be Doug. He had also lost somebody at the hands of Silas.

"Hey you ok?" Doug nudged her gently in the side with his elbow. Texas just looked at him and smiled wanly, "yeah, you?"

Doug reached up and tugged slightly on one of the drooping leaves of one of the bouquets, "kinda sad aren't they," he stated. Texas wondered if Doug was suffering like she was. He looked sad. They may live in the same flat, they may have gone through the same traumatic experience, but they did not really talk about it. Maybe it was because they were both so wrapped up in their own private emotions to realise the other felt exactly the same, or maybe it was because of other unspoken events from their joint past. Events that meant Texas found it hard to be around Doug sometimes, ashamed as she was about some of the things he had witnessed about her when she had been at her lowest.

In the aftermath of India's death, in the time before Doug's girlfriend turned up out of the blue, before their reunion was cut short by her murder, Texas had used Doug abominably. In her darkest hours, on her path to self-destruction she had wanted, no needed, to forget. Forget that that it was because of her choices in life, choices India had warned Texas about, that she had lost her sister for good. She felt overwhelmed with guilt. It had begun with drinking at first, more and more as she fought to forget. But as India's funeral had approached the alcohol had not been enough anymore. Texas had taken drugs on the odd occasion before, recreationally, at parties, with friends. She longed to feel again the numb nothingness that drugs could give her. She knew Doug dealt drugs, she had bought from him before in clubs, so she had forced Doug to get her cocaine. Doug, to his credit, had tried to stop her, tried to make her see that this was not the best way to deal with things. She ignored his advice though. When the alcohol stopped working to make her forget she had pressured and pushed Doug to get her something stronger to take the edge off, she was not concerned about the consequences at that.

"Do you wanna go for a drink later?" Doug asked Texas.  
>"Sorry I can't," Texas smiled more warmly at Doug this time "me and Leanne are meeting up with a friend later."<br>"Okay." Doug looked despondent at this.  
>"I should get going actually, Leanne'll be waiting." Texas reached out to Doug for a second, and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.<p>

As Texas walked into the flat, Leanne bounded over. Leanne had the kind of giddy energy that could be infectious if you were in the right kind of mood. She appeared all sweetness and light, though she could be like a dog with a bone, once she had sunk her teeth into something. Whilst Texas enjoyed her company for what it was, she did not really feel an infinty to Leanne, she did not feel comfortable really opening up about how she felt to her. In fact there were very few, if any people she really felt she could confide in, so Texas had remained isolated in her grief, hiding it continuely from those around her.

"Come on, where've you been?" Leanne remonstrated Texas, "Jodie's waiting for us in town."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Hi, big thanks to everyone who is reading and commenting. I hope I'm doing the characters justice for you.**

**I don't think Jodie has been given a back story on the show yet? Could be my super bad memory though, so will hopefully try to invent something fitting. Again if anybody has any ideas on this or anything else they think important to the story would love to hear it :)**

* * *

><p>Texas was standing alone at the end of the bar, using a wall for support. She was watching Jodie and Leanne chat with a large gaggle of men in the centre of the room, all laughs and jokes and smiles. Texas had, almost unintentionally, retreated increasingly from the group until she found herself in the solitude of this deserted corner. She felt tired. She could not remember the last time she had had a proper good night's sleep and the effort of making mindless small talk with a bunch of random guys had just become more than she could bare. Her head was pounding, and every time that Jodie looked over at her and Texas felt herself force a reassuring smile it felt like her head might actually split open from the endeavour.<p>

Texas was vaguely aware that she had let her head fall back against the cool sticky wall she was leaning against. She closed her eyes trying to cease the thumping in her head for a moment. As she stood there trying to block the world out Texas became aware of an arm snaking tenderly around her waist, she opened her eyes to see Jodie standing next to her in dimly lit space looking intently at her.

"What?" Texas asked. Jodie manoeuvred herself even closer to Texas, and rested her chin on Texas' shoulder, so that Texas could not escape Jodie's scrutiny.

"You ok?" Jodie almost whispered into Texas' ear given her current position of propping herself up against Texas' body.

As was her ingrained habit Texas suppressed how she was feeling, what she had been feeling for the past months, "yes," she plastered the rigid smile firmly back in place. Jodie continued to study Texas for another moment before straightening back up, so that she removed herself from Texas. Jodie grabbed Texas' hand in hers giving it a small squeeze. Texas was not sure of the meaning of this simple gesture, but found she was grateful for it none-the-less. Still holding Texas' hand Jodie guided her over to a secluded booth at the back of the room.

They both slid onto the leather seat, and with no words Jodie pulled Texas' head down into her lap, and began stroking Texas' hair soothingly. They sat like this in the dark corner of the bar for a few minutes. It was almost their own private little sanctuary for that moment, shielded slightly by the table and high sides to the booth in which they were seated. The beat of music and everybody else present in the bar seemed to melt away as Jodie continued to run her hand gently through Texas' hair. The calming action seemed to cause a kind of peace to flood through Texas' body. She hadn't felt this at ease for such a long time. Texas allowed her eyes to close again just enjoying the relaxing sensation. She felt the stress of the past year fade into tingles that ran all over her skin, breathing suddenly felt so much more effortless.

The noise of somebody scrambling into the booth on the other side of the table jolted Texas out of her peaceful revere. She pulled herself up from where she was lying, back to sitting up straight. Leanne was now sitting opposite them, beaming widely.

"All those cute men, I just can't make my mind up!" Leanne giggled, "didn't you two like any of them?" she asked wondering why Texas and Jodie were hidden away in this gloomy spot. Then, like there literally was a lightbulb going off over her head, Leanne's face lit up with an idea, "Texas we should set Jodie and Doug up, they'd be perfect for each other!"

Texas nodded along with this suggestion, but internally she was not so sure it was as good an idea as Leanne seemed to think. As much as she liked Jodie - and in a lot of ways Texas really admired her attitude towards life; how ambitious she was, how she didn't seem to worry about what anybody thought of her, her ability to be able to close down and not become emotionally tied to anyone or anything - Jodie had always struck her as being a bit flighty when it came to men. Doug always seemed much more serious about his relationships. Texas couldn't really see Doug and Jodie being that good of a match. It was true though that Doug deserved some happiness in his life, and what if Jodie were the one who could provide that? As Leanne continued to rabbit on about what a brilliant idea this was Texas momentarily found herself considering what did she really knew about Jodie?

They had only known Jodie for a couple of months. Her and Leanne had met her in a club one night. She had been surrounded by a group of guys, something Texas had come to understand to be the norm for Jodie. She really seemed to have a knack for attracting men like bees to honey. Leanne had made a beeline straight for the large cluster of men and befriended Jodie. She was a second year dance student, and said she had started a couple of years ago, but had taken the previous year as a gap year. Texas realised that Jodie had never really spoken much about what she had done on her gap year though. In fact she could not remember Jodie ever really talking about it, not seriously. Yes crazy suggestions and jokes were made about where she might have been and what she might have got up to, but Texas didn't think anybody knew the truth. Whatever she had done in that year out Jodie was clearly super-driven now. She was the kind of person who once they knew what they wanted would let nothing stand in their way or derail them from their course. Texas briefly wondered if Jodie had always been that way. She herself often felt so lost, so directionless, that she was a little in awe of Jodie's steadfast determination.

"Hey don't you like the idea of me and Doug?" Jodie was teasing her. Texas realised she had been frowning as she had tried to consider what she knew about Jodie. She quickly rearranged her features into a smile, "sorry I must of been in a world of mine own, what did I miss?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Seem to be having some technical difficulties so hope everyone can find this chapter ok**

**Hope - Chapter Four**

"You need a better game plan," Texas advised Dodger, "Ignore her, pretty girls don't like to be ignored, but then you already knew that," Texas closed the door in Dodger's face then wandered into the kitchen, "tea?" she asked Jodie. "Umm nah I'm fine thanks," Jodie replied from where she was sitting pretending to watch Animal Planet on the TV.

The brief visit from Dodger had been a revelation for Texas. She knew that he and Jodie had hooked-up whilst she had been away over Christmas, but Dodger was acting like she had never seen him before, like some lovesick puppy. As Texas stirred her tea she realised she felt unnerved by this. Did this mean that Jodie and Dodger had feelings for each other? This idea bothered her, but it bothered her more that she didn't know why it should affect her so much. Texas sighed as she continued stirring her tea distractedly. She didn't like Dodger did she? Texas tried searching deep within herself. No, she didn't think so. Not seriously anyway, she knew too well what he was like. So why should it trouble her so that there could be some real feelings between him and Jodie?

Jodie was watching Texas out of the corner of her eye as she stood staring into the mid-space, just moving the spoon round and round in her cup. "Err you know that was ready about five minutes ago?" Jodie called over to Texas. Pulled from her revere Texas cradled her cup in her hands and walked over to the sofa and sat down, smiling apologetically at Jodie for spacing out on her.

"He's not right for you." Jodie said to Texas referring to Dodger.  
>"Why, cos he's right for you?" Texas replied.<br>"No. Because he's Dodger, and you're a smart beautiful woman."  
>"So are you." Texas laughed off the compliment.<br>"I'm not the one who is going to fall for him," Jodie said pointedly  
>"Well neither am I," Texas retorted defensively.<br>"Yeah right, cos that hasn't happened before. Texas your heart's in your pants, you can't just hook-up with somebody without it meaning it something"  
>"That's not true."<br>"Oh because that's something to be proud of." Jodie shook her head in exasperation.  
>"Look just cos I don't go round Hollyoaks village sleeping with every guy doesn't mean I'm not empowered."<br>"If you're talking about Doug I haven't slept with Doug." Now it was Jodie's turn to get defensive.  
>"No, but I think its pretty crappy how you're using him to get Dodger's attention," accused Texas.<br>"Wow. That's who you think I am? You don't know anything about the kind of person I go for. Sure Dodger's hot he looks like a walking Abercrombie cardboard cut out, but," Jodie paused licking her lips, "he is emotionally challenged, he treats girls like crap and you can't take that seriously. You're not like that, you're different, you care about things and that's what I like about you."

Texas felt touched by the compliment. Was Jodie right? Did she still care about things? Texas wasn't sure. She felt like she had stopped caring the moment India had been cruelly taken from her. Maybe she wasn't such the lost cause she imagined.

"Nothing means anything to anyone anymore," Jodie continued with a sigh.  
>"Yeah, well I haven't fallen for him." Texas reassured Jodie. And that was true. Texas was sure it was. So why did the idea of Dodger and Jodie still niggle at her.<br>"Good. Don't." Jodie smiled at Texas.

They sat quietly for a while, both had their eyes trained on the TV screen, neither really watching. Jodie broke the silence, "what you doing for New Years Eve?"  
>Texas scrunched her nose, "nothing really." She hadn't made any plans, not sure whether she wanted to celebrate the New Year. Christmas had been particularly difficult, what with it being the first anniversary of India's murder, and Texas didn't anticipate New Year being any easier.<br>"Good," Jodie smiled at her, "how about we go to Chez Chez, I bet Dodger can get us some tickets, we could invite Doug along too, it'll be a laugh."  
>Texas pursed her lips thinking. It sounded like a hellish idea to her, being sidelined to watch Doug and Dodger battle for Jodie's affections. "I don't know, I'm not really in the mood for a party."<br>"C'mon," Jodie stuck out her bottom lip in a mock pout, her eyes sparkling "it'll be fun the four of us."

Texas continued to try and resist, the idea of watching Jodie play Doug and Dodger off against each other all night really didn't sound that much fun to her. "I think I'll just have a quiet night in, you'll have much more fun with just Doug and Dodger."  
>"I'm not going to take no for an answer," Jodie warned. Texas laughed, "yeah, what are you going to do about it?"<br>Jodie didn't respond at first, just continued to study Texas for a moment, her eyes dancing with mischief, and her mouth being pulled up at the corner by the start of a smile. Jodie bit her bottom lip gently to stop a full grin breaking out, then maintaining an artificially serious tone she simply stated to Texas, "I will tickle you to death!"

Texas sat stock-still for a minute trying to judge whether Jodie was serious or not. She wouldn't, would she? Texas continued to study Jodie intently, trying to figure out if she was joking or not. She must be joking surely, they were too old now for those kinds of games weren't they? In return Jodie had continued to sit a moment longer just staring at Texas, her eyebrows slightly raised in an amused expression. Jodie smiled and edged slightly along the sofa, closer to where Texas was sitting. Texas felt her whole body tense up in anticipation of the attack, and already began to feel that tickly sensation all over.

The next thing Texas knew she was lying on her back on the soft carpet on the floor, wriggling and squirming under the tickling attack from Jodie's hands. Jodie was sitting on top of her, keeping her pinned to the floor for her 'torture'. Both were in hysterics and had tears of laughter streaming down their faces. Texas found she could barely breath. "Okay okay," Texas half panted half laughed. Jodie ceased her tickling then pinned Texas' arms down on the floor above her head where she lay, "so you'll come?" Jodie asked Texas as she held her there. "Yes!" Texas gasped, "just no more tickling please!" "Great," Jodie smiled, then jumped up from the floor where she was straddling Texas. "See you then," Jodie called as she exited the flat, leaving Texas sprawled on the floor trying to catch her breath.

After Jodie had left Texas slowly picked herself up from the floor, her sides were actually aching a little from the intense laughter. Texas realised with a start she hadn't laughed like that for a year, and then she was even more shocked to realise how much better she felt for it. Perhaps a night out was just what she needed. Some fun to dull the emptiness of a difficult Christmas. Texas had assumed this time of year would beyond awful, but maybe there was some light trying to filter through from the end of the very long dark tunnel she had been confined to.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Texas carefully applied some eye shadow in the mirror, and then outlined her eyes with a deep dark black line. She had that jittery feeling of anticipation. She was actually looking forward to tonight. Texas looked over her reflection in the mirror, watching how the light bounced off her gold sequined top, and adjusted her hair. Finally satisfied with her appearance she quickly made her way the short distance to the club, across the road from her flat. She checked her mobile, there was a text from Jodie:  
><em><br>We're at the upstairs bar xx_

Texas made her way through the packed crowd, everybody in high spirits for the night. She spotted Jodie standing with Doug and Dodger at the bar. "Hi guys sorry I'm late," Texas greeted them, "so who's getting the drinks in?"

To her surprise and relief Texas found that Jodie was staying close to her all night. They laughed and joked on the dance floor, Jodie whispering funny comments about the attention she was receiving from Doug and Dodger, Texas feeling happier than she had in a long time. Jodie had been right, she was having a good time.

Just before midnight Jodie indicated she wanted to get another drink. They squeezed their way over to the bar. As they stood there, drinks in hand Texas had an urge to thank Jodie for dragging her out, "I'm having a great time," she shouted to Jodie over the beat of the music. "Good," Jodie moved in a little closer to where Texas stood to make herself heard.

"When are you just going to choose one and put them out of their misery?" Texas asked Jodie, indicating her head towards where Doug and Dodger were stood looking at them.  
>"You really want me to choose right now?" Jodie asked.<br>"Yes, for my sanity and their sake?"  
>"Fine." Jodie placed her glass on the bar, then before Texas had time to react Jodie turned Texas' head towards her kissing her softly on the lips.<p>

Texas felt the gentle pressure against her lips, almost like the fluttering wings of a butterfly passing close by them. She automatically closed her eyes accepting the soft kiss, forgetting briefly who it was that was lightly pressing their lips against hers. There was something so disarming, so simple, so non-threatening about the kiss that Texas did not pull away, but instead found herself beginning to respond. Then as quickly as it had begun it was over. Jodie pulled away, and both her and Texas turned to see the look of astonishment painted on the faces of Doug and Dodger who had been looking on. Texas found herself revelling in the moment, amused by the reaction of the two guys, sharing the joke with Jodie. Then Texas slowly raised a finger to her lips, feeling a warmth there, tasting a sweetness. Feeling something new. Something different.


	5. Chapter 5

The quiet stillness of the room was only interrupted by the occasional restful snuffle of a person deep in sleep. Texas lay on her back staring blankly up at the ceiling, tracing what patterns she could just about make out in the darkness. She sighed impatiently as she turned her head to the side looking at Jodie. She was sleeping peacefully, where she had collapsed laughing, after kicking off her shoes, still fully clothed.

Texas turned her attention back to the ceiling, imagining cracks dancing across it that weren't there in the daylight. Her over-active mind just would not let her exhausted body drift off into sleep. She groaned in frustration a little too loudly causing Jodie to stir and move in her sleep a little, before settling back into the mattress resuming her deep slumber. Texas could feel that her feet were throbbing from the dancing and her ears ringing slightly from being deafened by the club music. The left over effects of a good night out. She smiled into the darkness as she thought about the look on Dodger and Doug's faces after Jodie had kissed her. They had been a mixture of confusion, titillation, jealously, and surprise. Texas chuckled quietly to herself as she thought about how easy it was to play with guy's heads sometimes.

As sleep began to draw Texas under its spell her mind began to wander in her half awake half dreaming state. Thoughts, memories, and images swirled round in her uninhibited, sleep befuddled mind, each forgotten and quickly replaced by the next. Then as if a shot of electricity had been sent through her body Texas jolted back to full consciousness. She had been imagining what it would have been like if Jodie hadn't stopped the kiss in the club. What if Jodie had increased the tender warm sweet pressure? What it would have felt like if she or Jodie had just parted their lips slightly. What if after Jodie had murmured Happy New Year into her ear she had let her lips linger there nibbling at Texas' earlobe or tracing a path down her neck to her collarbone? Texas traced her lips remembering the feel of Jodie's mouth against hers.

Texas rolled over flopping back onto the bed on her front. She closed her eyes tightly trying to will the foreign emotions to disappear. Was she really fantasising about kissing, _really_ kissing another woman? Texas pressed her face deep into the pillow to hide the blush that was seeping into her cheeks, even though it was dark and there was no one else around to see it. Jodie was just continuing to sleep on by her side. Texas decided she must still be drunker than she thought. Or crazy. She lifted her head up and turned again, watching Jodie as she slept. Texas noticed how her lips fell into a flawless full pout, how her long eyelashes caressed the smooth skin of her cheeks, how her chin tapered to a perfect point. Yes Texas decided she was definitely losing it.

Trees; deformed, gnarled, twisted menaced Texas from all directions, casting evil shadows on the ground. As usual Texas could see India standing innocent and defenceless in the clearing. But not alone. Texas strained to see through the murky light filtering through the trees. It was Jodie, standing there next to India holding her hand firmly. Jodie's other hand was outstretched towards where Texas was frantically fighting a losing battle to reach them. Texas extended her arm out as far as possible begging Jodie to take hold of it, so help save her sister.

"India," the scream rang out. The oppressiveness darkness of the pitch-black room closed in on Texas as her eyes flew open. She wiped away the tears that filled her eyes as the dream slowly faded away. As she sniffed, Texas noticed a pleasing aroma that seemed to permeate the air. It was a mixture of sweet berries combined with the freshness of new flowers in the spring. As she breathed in the fragrance Texas found the sweetness had calming effect on the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She breathed in deeply savouring the smell and the effect it had on her.

Texas couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from at first. Then she remembered, it was the smell of the perfume Jodie had been wearing that night. It was the fragrance she had smelt when Jodie had leant in and kissed her at midnight. . She rolled over in bed and noticed the other side was now empty. Texas wondered where Jodie had gone, the other side of the bed still felt warm from where Jodie had been laying. Texas buried her face down into the pillow, inhaling the scent that still lingered from where Jodie had slept. Had Jodie already left? Texas reached out flicking on the bedside light looking at her alarm clock. She groaned, it was only just six in the morning. She had only been in bed for about four hours. She propped herself up in bed, squinting as the harsh light hurt her eyes. She looked over by her wardrobe where Jodie had left her shoes. They had gone. She guessed Jodie must have already left then. Texas frowned, trying to figure out why Jodie would have left so early. She turned off the light and sank back into the bed. Texas turned back onto her front, hugging the pillow below her savouring the sweet scent that remained there, and tried to fall back to sleep.

It was no good. After tossing and turning for about half an hour Texas decided sleep was a lost cause. She got out of bed and wrapped her dressing gown tightly round her to keep the chill of the early hour out. She padded quietly downstairs to the living area where she spotted Doug lying flat out on the sofa, looking decidedly worse for wear, flicking through early morning TV programmes.

"Good night?" Texas asked him, nudging his legs as a request to let her sit down.  
>"Interesting," replied Doug swinging his legs off the sofa and pulling himself up into a sitting position, then looking like he wished he hadn't made such a sudden movement as his face paled.<br>"Suffering?" Texas teased as she collapsed onto the sofa next to him, tucking her legs beneath her to keep her feet warm.  
>"Maybe," Doug tried his best to look stoic, but the green pallor to his complexion gave him away.<br>"Not been to bed yet then?" Texas asked.  
>"No…. the stairs were a bit too much when I got in," Doug tried to joke, but quickly ceased chuckling when the movement caused his head to recommence pounding.<br>"Did you see Jodie leave then?"  
>"Yeah, she left about an hour ago I guess."<br>"Did she say anything?"  
>"Like what?"<br>"Where she was going, if she was okay, that kind of thing?"  
>"No, she just said she would see me later."<br>"Oh right."  
>"Lovers tiff already?" Doug teased.<br>"Very funny," Texas sighed, resting her head back against the back of the couch. Texas couldn't understand why Jodie would have left so early. It was New Years Day, where could she possibly need to be. Then it dawned on her. She bet Jodie had gone over to Dodger's.  
>"Well you two looked very cosy at one point!" The memory was obviously amusing to Doug.<p>

Texas closed her eyes, kneading at her temples as she felt the beginning of a hangover start to take hold. What had seemed like such a laugh last night didn't seem so much this morning in the cold light of day. Texas shook herself mentally, she was being stupid, the kiss had only been a high-spirited frolic, nothing to over analyse.

Texas felt restless for the rest of the day. She sent a text message to Jodie around mid afternoon:

_Did you head off to see Dodger this morning? xx_

No reply came though. Texas aimlessly pottered about the flat, cleaning here tidying there. It was New Year's Day so everywhere was closed, there was nowhere for her to escape to. Finally that evening Leanne arrived back from her Christmas break back home with her family, full of stories that came as a welcome distraction to Texas. But that night as Texas lay back in her bed, the faint trace of Jodie still lingering on the covers Texas couldn't fight the images of her that kept popping into her mind as she began to drift into unconsciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Hi for those who don't know I had major laptop issues and lost all the writing I had done. Hopefully I am finally caught up, and I hope some of you will still be reading! Big big apologies!**

**Wanted to get this out for you, so hope it's ready and not too disjointed.**

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><p>No new messages. Texas placed her mobile phone back on the arm of the sofa, leaving her hand hovering over it, fingers drumming agitatedly against the hard plastic.<p>

"What's up with you?" Leanne asked Texas from where she was sitting at the breakfast bar trying to revise for an upcoming exam.

"Nothing."

"Don't you have some photography project you're supposed to be doing?" Leanne said returning her attention the work she was doing in front of her.

Texas just shrugged indifferently, kneading at her temples to try and avoid the headache she could feel coming on, and letting out a loud sigh.

Leanne dropped her pen onto the open books and looked back up at Texas, "seriously, what is up with you?"

"Nothing," Texas repeated, then catching the look of disbelief on Leanne's face she asked, "have you heard from Jodie recently?"

"No," Leanne replied, "I thought you two had been joined at the hip recently?"

"No," Texas denied, probably a bit too forcefully as she noticed Leanne raised her eyebrows quizzically. Texas felt herself begin to blush slightly and hoped it had escaped Leanne's notice as she stuttered "its just I haven't seen her since New Year." Texas started tracing circles absent-mindedly on the arm of the sofa.

"So?" Leanne asked, "maybe she went home for the holidays, or is busy studying for exams, or preparing for lessons, like you should be," she said pointedly.

"I don't know, I just can't concentrate at the moment."

At this Leanne immediately jumped down from the stool on which she was sitting and crossed the room to sit beside Texas on the couch. "Is it because of Silas' trial coming up?" she asked taking Texas' hand in her own comfortingly.

Texas started at this, she hadn't forgotten that Silas' trial started in a couple of days, but somehow she seemed to have suppressed her feelings about this, or had she just replaced them with her confusion over Jodie. Texas immediately began to feel guilt well-up in her insides, that for the past couple of weeks she had been internally obsessing over something that was so insignificant really. So what if Jodie had kissed her. It was New Year, they were drunk, and it had been just as bit of fun. Texas tried to ignore the sinking feeling inside herself at these thoughts. She could feel her headache trying to come on again.

" Do you know what, I think I'm just going to go lie down for a bit," Texas forced a watery smile at Leanne.

"Okay, you know where I am if you need me." Leanne gave Texas' hand a reassuring squeeze.

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><p>Texas tried to keep her breathing steady as she took the long walk down the dark narrow grey corridor. She couldn't remember how she had got here as she looked around the dank cold brick walls, the sound of her boots making soft thuds on the hard grimy concrete below her feet. All around her she could her the sounds of men driven crazy by isolation, some weeping, some shouting, some laughing maniacally to themselves. Echoing all around her were the noises of metal bars being rattled by hands tightly gripping them, some of the hands protruding through the bars trying to grab at her as she walked past. Some of the men shouted out to her, "turn back little girl," but her feet kept carrying her forward into the ever-increasing gloom of their own accord.<p>

Texas scurried forward, flinching and darting away from the bony grasping hands, deeper and deeper into the unknown darkness, not knowing where it led to, but unable to stop anyway. She could feel the adrenaline of fear coursing through her veins as her heart rate started to beat out of control. Finally what little light there had been disappeared and Texas found her-self plunged into complete darkness. An eerie silence settled over her, and she found herself yearning for the rabid noises of the men. Texas felt her breathing pique as she shakily raised out her hands in front of her gingerly continuing her way along, until she felt bars in front of her, and walls to each side. She wrapped her hands around the bars, pulling and pushing, but they were immovable. She tried hard, causing them to shake and vibrate under her efforts, but nothing. Then from the darkness a sinister voice, "are you scared little girl?" and then laughter.

Texas screamed. She turned on her heel and tried to run, but immediately ran into the cold metal of more bars. She turned again, but her found her escape blocked by further hard, cold, bars. Texas desperately tried to calm her breathing and think. There must be a way out. She held out her left hand cautiously and started trailing it along the bars, looking for where she had come from. She walked and walked, but there was no gap. All around her the laughter continued. In the black Texas was sure she could see a glimmer of red shining and dancing in the darkness. The voice seemed to come from the direction of that colour, "there is no escape." It seemed to grow and fill the space, making Texas want to cover her ears and block it out. "You are finally mine, just like you always should have been," the voice mocked her, wheedling and burrowing itself into her head.

Then there was an explosion of light, momentarily blinding Texas, forcing her to look down and cover her eyes with her hands. Carefully she squinted one eye open, then the other as they adjusted to the new brightness. Then she saw. She was imprisoned. Surrounding her on all sides were the straight metal poles of a cage. And on the other side stood an inconsequential looking old man. Totally average looking, with greying hair and skin, dressed in a knitted cardigan and beige trousers. Completely unremarkable apart from the red glow in his eyes.

"Hello again Texas," he smiled at her.

"Silas," Texas gasped.

"Have you missed me?" he leered, "or India?" Suddenly India was there, being gripped in Silas' arms pressed tightly against his body, one hand squeezing around her neck, so that it was turning her face an ugly shade of purple.

"India!" Texas shouted immediately running towards the bars reaching her hands out.

"Never let it be said I don't play fair Texas," Silas' eyes glinting a deeper and darker red, "I will let you choose who dies today…"

Texas cut him off yelling "me me me!"

"….tut tut let me finish…. Either your darling sister here", he pulled his hand a little tighter around her neck, "or..." then he cocked his head backwards indicating behind him where past the blinding light Texas could just about make out a figure. She strained to see, then her breathing stopped, her heart stopped, as she realised it was Jodie, shackled at the wrists so she was standing on the very tips of her toes her arms stretched out above her, clad in ugly rusty cuffs which were chained to the invisible ceiling above.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Tex, hey Texas."

Texas felt her self being shaken awake. "Ummm, Jodie?" she gurgled as she started to come round, the remnants of a dream floating through her conscious.

"No, it's Doug," she heard a momentary low throaty chuckle. Texas raised her head from the pillow to shoot a frosty glare at Doug who quickly sobered up. "Come on you need to get up and dressed, it's the first day of Silas' court hearing today."

Texas felt a cold shudder run through her body, today was the day. The day where she was going to face her biggest demon in the flesh. She wondered if Jodie had replied yet to any of her messages. She could really use a friend today. She glanced at her mobile. No new messages. Texas flopped back onto her bed, dragging the duvet all the way over her head.

"Hey Texas?" She felt Doug shaking her again.

"I'm not going," Texas muttered into the mattress.

"C'mon I can't do this alone."

Neither can I thought Texas, but the person who I wish would be there for moral support doesn't seem to be talking to me at the moment and I don't know why.

"Texas please?" Doug pleaded.

Texas sighed, shuffling the covers off from over her head. She should be there she knew. For India. She had to make up for not being there for India when she needed her most. She internally shook her head at the idea that anything she could do would make up for that though. Even if she tried for the rest of eternity.

Texas cast a critical eye over her appearance in the mirror. She was sombrely dressed. Like she was going to a funeral again. Head to toe in black, so different from the usual colourful attire she usually wore. But then today she did not feel much like herself. Her face was pale and drawn, and the dark circles under her eyes only emphasised how bad she was feeling inside. Her hair was tied back in a simple ponytail. She sighed as she straightened India's favourite scarf around her neck. She had debated whether to wear it, what if Silas recognised it as India's? In the end though Texas decided that she needed a piece of India close with her today. She saw Doug approaching slowly from behind. He reached out and gently squeezed her on the shoulder. "Ready?" he asked her. Texas nodded passively.

Texas sat nervously wringing her hands in the long austere corridor. She could her the large heavy dark oak doors opening and closing with a resounding thud. The sound of sharp heels clacked and echoed on the cold tile floor, and the hushed whispers of people passing echoed off the smooth marble walls. If ever there was a place of foreboding then this was it. Texas shook to know that somewhere in this building was Silas. The man who had brutally murdered her beautiful kind sister. Texas could feel a sob bubbling up in her throat. She couldn't be here. She couldn't see that man. It would kill, as seeing him in her dreams every night almost did. The flash of demon red eyes shot across her mind.

Before Texas could make a move to leave she saw Doug walking steadily down the corridor carrying two polystyrene cups of coffee. As he drew nearer he could see the frantic look in Texas' eyes. "Texas?" he questioned softly.

"Doug I can't be here, I'm sorry, I have to leave. Now." Texas stood up and started pacing the floor, dragging her fingers through her hair wildly.

Doug placed the coffees down on the table. "Hey it's going to be okay," he tried to soothe her.

Texas continued pacing. How was it going to be okay? How was having to be in the same room as that monster ever going to be okay? She could feel her stomach begin to bubble with hysteria. Waves of nausea washed over her as a small sob escaped her throat.

"I can't do this Doug, I can't, I can't." Texas felt like the walls were closing in on her, her head was spinning and she felt like her lungs weren't working. Why couldn't she breathe? Why was there no air?

Cool calming hands were holding her as Texas felt her eyes flickering open. She was momentarily disorientated before remembering where she was. Around her she could hear hushed voices and somebody saying, "I think she's coming round." She was aware of somebody gently cradling her then running and twisting their hands through her ponytail in comforting movements. As her breathing steadied she became aware of the sweetest smell of fresh flowers and fruity berries. It was a smell that was familiar to her. Texas tried to clear her head of the grey fuzz that seemed to have taken root there. Then a soft voice asked her "Texas it's Jodie, can you hear me?" Texas nodded her head shakily. "It's okay you fainted, but you're okay now."


	7. Chapter 7

The trial had been a disaster as far as Texas was concerned. For three days she had sat on the hard wooden benches high in the courtroom, Doug on one side of her, and Jodie on the other offering a reassuring hand. The small grey figure in the dock looked so insignificant, but Texas could feel his presence humming all around in the vast room. Just having to be there seeing him, felt to Texas like all the oxygen was being sucked from the air, suffocating her slowly, painfully In the end the trial had only run for those three agonising days before Silas had been declared mentally unfit and proceedings had been halted. Her friends had tried to reassure her that Silas would still be held at a maximum-security psychiatric unit. He wouldn't be able to hurt anybody else. But the justice for India that she so desperately craved still eluded her, and now it looked like she would never get that final resolution. She would never feel the satisfaction of seeing Silas' face as he was sentenced to life imprisonment, as he was called to account for his sins.

She hadn't been able to sleep properly since. The nightmares that had dogged her before the trial becoming increasingly frequent, to such an extent that every time she closed her eyes her mind was flooded with images of sly twisted smiles, demonic eyes, broken and twisted bodies, and the most horrific screams. Images of her and India swirled around her mind. And then there was Jodie. Also a common visitor in her dreams. Jodie who had sat and comforted and held and reassured her for those toughest of three days. Jodie who had disappeared off the face of the Earth again.

Her university work was beginning to suffer, she hadn't even begun work on her latest photography project yet, something about movement. She couldn't even imagine how to begin tackling that at the moment when her own world felt like it had been pulled to an abrupt stop, then shattered into thousands of irreparable pieces. Winter had dragged by, grey day after grey day unchanging. Before she knew where she was January had slipped into February.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Two beers please Dodger" Texas requested at the bar, getting the drinks in for Leanne and herself. Leanne had dragged her out of the flat that afternoon down to SU Bar. As usual a bit of a mistimed effort on Leanne's part to try and get her to cheer up, but Texas knew that she meant well, and you never know, maybe getting out of the house would help her to stop dwelling on things for a couple of hours. Maybe it might help clear her head.

As she stood waiting at the bar waiting for Dodger to bring over her drinks she was startled by a pair of hands that covered her eyes in a playful gesture. Before she could 'guess who' Dodger greeted the person behind her "Jodie," he said dryly. Texas took Jodie's soft hands in her own removing them from her eyes. She looked her shoulder. Yes there was Jodie. She hadn't seen her for a few weeks. Nor heard from her. Yet all those feelings, feelings of confusion Texas told herself, nothing more, were still right there bubbling away, niggling at her insides.

"Well, hello stranger." Texas greeted Jodie, trying to keep things light.

Dodger popped the top off one of the bottles and set it down on top of the bar. "Oh, is this for me?" Jodie grabbed the bottle taking a long sip. "So what's been happening?" She leant on the bar, close to Texas; smiling, friendly, like nothing was amiss. Like she hadn't been dodging Texas' phone calls and texts and messages again.

"Oh, you know, just…" Texas fiddled to get her purse back in her bag, finding it hard to look directly at Jodie. Having her this close to her again, being able to smell her sweet scent, those feelings of confusion were battling there way to the surface again.

"Oh wait," Jodie interrupted her anyway. Then Texas realised that Jodie was reaching out to touch her face, gently caressing the skin on her cheek.

"Wha' what you doing?" Texas asked flinching away from the touch.

"Look you've got a wish"

"What?"

"Will you just hold still," Jodie asked, before holding up an eyelash on the tip of her finger.

Dodger plopped down a third bottle on the bar "We at it again ladies?"

"It's an eyelash, you make a wish." Jodie said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Which it is realised Texas. People do it all the time. Yes normally as an excuse to be close and intimate with somebody. The confusion raged on inside of her. She conceded to bend her head and gently blew against Jodie's finger.

Jodie laughed, took her drink from the bar and patted Texas on the arm "C'mon let's go," she said and walked off towards the pool table where Leanne was waiting.

"I know what I wish for." Dodger muttered suggestively as he watched Jodie go. Texas rolled her eyes in resigned disgust as she handed Dodger the money for the drinks before picking up the two bottles for her and Leanne and then following Jodie across the room.

For the next half hour she watched as Jodie thrashed Leanne at pool. Jodie probably had a slightly unfair advantage as Leanne spent most of the game batting her eyelashes in the direction of a guy sitting alone at the other end of the bar. Finally the game finished Leanne handed her cue to Jodie. "Hold this," Leanne said before strutting confidently over to the guy, introducing herself, and then sitting down at the table with him.

Jodie laughed as she watched her go, "She's crazy."

Texas laughed and nodded along. Yes Leanne might be a bit out there, she thought, but at least she was not afraid to go after what she wanted. She took Leanne's pool cue from Jodie, "okay rack 'em up," she said indicating to Jodie that she wanted a game.

Texas carefully tried to line up her next shot. Jodie was giving her a bit of a thrashing. As she bent down low, pulling the cue back Dodger walked past slapping her on the bottom as he went "Oop balls giving you trouble Tex?" he joked. Texas shook her head, next to her Jodie sniggered lightly.

"Sometimes you just need a gentler touch," Jodie advised her. Texas felt an unfamiliar jolt of tension shoot through her as Jodie wrapped herself around Texas, pressing her front flushly against Texas' back, carefully guiding Texas' hands on the cue as they took the shot together. Texas felt like time had slowed to a stop as she felt Jodie's warm breath against her face, and the heat of Jodie's body against hers. Jodie seemed to linger there for what seemed like an eternity to Texas as they watched the ball slowly roll towards the pocket, but in reality was just for the briefest moment after the ball had been potted. They were moulded together as one in this place; Jodie's chin resting on Texas's shoulder. For a moment the rest of the world seemed to fade into the background. All of Texas' problems drifted away for a second, a calm peace settled over her. Then reality returned. Jodie stepped away, and when Texas turned to look at her she found that Jodie was smiling and flirting with Dodger across the room. The heavy clouds of confusion descended again.

"I wish you wouldn't do that," Texas said looking between Jodie and Dodger.

"Do what?" Jodie asked her, turning her attention back to Texas.

"You know it's cool, whatever's going on between you 'n'" Texas indicated her head in Dodger's direction, Jodie following her glance. "You don't need to use me to make him jealous, it's not going to work, he's not like that"

"Wait hold on," Jodie tried to interrupt Texas, but Texas ignored her carrying on, "and also I have to put up with all of his comments, it's just," Texas sucked air through her teeth, a sound of annoyance.

"You think I'm using you?" Jodie sounded a little put out.

"No no no, not like that," Texas hadn't wanted to offend Jodie. Really she just wanted to know where she stood, but she was too afraid to ask. "I just meant, you know, with all the like ooh eyelash and New Year," Texas made some offhand kissing noises. She didn't want Jodie to know how much she had been obsessing over that night.

"When we kissed?" Jodie was much more forthright.

"Yeah when you kissed me"

"Alright, well when I kissed you and you kissed me back"

"Well I don't think I did?" Texas wasn't sure anymore.

Jodie laughed shortly "Okay."

"I didn't."

"Okay." Jodie lined up her next shot, potting it with ease. "Woo, yes!" Jodie up-stretched her arms in victory. She looked over at Texas who still looked deep in thought, "What's the matter?"

"Oh nothing, nothing sorry, I was just, erm, sorry, look I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression." Texas wondered if somehow she was actually the cause of this mess. Had she unwittingly given some signal to Jodie that she wanted more than friendship? She felt so utterly confused about everything now. Jodie liked Dodger didn't she? Texas knew she liked men. So surely the kiss was a bit of over exuberant fun. But why had Jodie been so distant since, and why did Jodie seem upset when Texas had inferred that the kiss was completely one-sided?

"You don't need to freak out about it." Jodie walked away to sit down at a table.

I'm not freaking out." Texas reasoned sitting down at the table with Jodie, though inside she wasn't so sure.

"Well it was just a kiss," Jodie's mood seemed light and unruffled again.

"I know, yeah, but I must have done something, given you some sort of sign to make you think tha'"

Jodie interrupted her. "Look, if you kissed a guy and it never went anywhere would you still feel the need to analyse it and have this big conversation?

"No." Texas shook her head. Jodie was right, why was she obsessing over this?

"No, so can we just let it go please." Jodie smiled.

"Okay," Texas laughed, "but as long as you're alright?"

Jodie exhaled sharply. "Seriously Texas," her eyes rolled towards the ceiling in exasperation, "do I look bothered?" Texas shook her head meekly, no Jodie didn't look bothered, but something was still niggling at her, was Jodie just putting up a front? No Texas, she admonished herself, Jodie likes Dodger. The kiss was just a one-time thing. Let it go. Just let it go.

"Do you want another drink?" Jodie asked Texas looking over her shoulder at the bar.

"Erm," Texas looked down at her watch. She knew she had nowhere to be, but for now she felt like she needed to get away from Jodie for a bit, clear her head. "No I should probably go."

"But what about your mate, Leanne, remember her?"

Texas looked over to where Leanne was giggling with the guy she had gone over to talk to. "She is fine," Texas laughed.

"Okay, but we're cool though right," Jodie looked at Texas for some reassurance.

"Yeah of course, like you said don't over analyse it," Texas worked to keep her tone light, breezy, casual. Pretty much the opposite to what she was actually feeling. Texas waved over at where Leanne was, calling out, "oh Leanne I'll see you later!" Leanne looked over to her, smiling "bye!" she called out.

Texas stepped out onto the small patio area outside the SU Bar. She had not noticed the pained look on Jodie's face as she had left. She was too caught up with her own emotions. It was just a kiss, she repeated to herself, it meant nothing. But did Jodie want it to mean something?

Did she? Texas felt like she was caught up in an unsolvable maze, circling round and round, but always ending up returning to the same starting point of uncertainty.


End file.
